I have seen emotional abuse up close as a therapist. I have worked with children whose parents claim they love them and yet do everything in their power to destroy their children's opportunities, their attempts at expression, their individuality and their confidence. I have seen husbands who claim their marriages are excellent, even as they coldly withhold affection from their wives while flaunting sexual interest in others, culminating in some cases in tortuous public affairs. I have seen women consistently insult and demean husbands, ensuring through these actions that the men remain in an infantilized or subordinate state. I have seen families viewed as benevolent and kind treat the sick and old in their homes with cruelty and contempt. I have seen bullies in the workplace make their subordinates feel so uncomfortable that they become ill or so angry and helpless that they become violent... ...There are five concepts with which you must work to further your task of healing from emotional abuse. They are: Humiliation: Unkind or unjust treatment by others in our past and present lives. Shame: The belief that we have a weakness or inferiority - are less than, unworthy, unlovable - carried over from the past. Dignity: A sense of self-worth that lends purpose and joy to living. Pride: An inner feeling of confidence, an awareness of our powers, an ability to use them responsibly in work, friendship and love. Humility: Recognition of one's limitations, in terms of knowing who we are, what we don't know, asking for help and seeing others as worthy of respect... ...To become content with life, it is necessary to give up the fantasy that we somehow could have changed the attitudes and behaviors of those people in our past whom we loved dearly and needed desperately. Change was up to them… With hard work, it is possible to soothe the pain that our loved ones, through their own limitations, imposed upon us. And in this way, when love is available, it is possible to claim and keep it with us always. When you possess self-respect and can express respect for others, love can never be lost and is continued forever. Nothing - absolutely nothing - can destroy it. The quality of love is life's only enduring magic.
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